Tonight, it is being reported all over the south that Florida has fallen, been cut or burned off the Continental United States. Many stories are running rampant through the ether-sphere that we no longer can call ouselves the "lower 48".
One story coming from FargoAin'tjustaMovie.com, said that a large group landed on the beaches of Miami and met up wiith a group that was planted along the many mansions that span the waterways. They were pulling off frogmen suits and putting flame throwers on their backs and running willy nilly all over. Palms were devastated, little fluffy lap dogs ran and yapped at the terrorists feet which upset both the terrorists and the dog owners. Flowered shirts were aflame.
Another story from Wedon'tliketourists.org, run by Rusty 'RED' Stranglefort, said that a large group had started to cut at the Northern State Line of Florida, with a gigantic circular saw, as Rusty states in his blog "the thing was enourmous, larger than a house and these little guys got out, set it up, and then rode off on it while lighting a hookah pipe, dude".. No other stories have come in at this time to corroborate Rusty or his web site. Rustys mom pulled his plug we have learned.
President Obama has flown around the Gulf and found that Florida was floating towards Cuba, Obama said "If we don't get this moved back here it will bump into Guantanamo and the terrorists will escape, I do believe that is their ultimate goal"
Hillary Clinton's office said "we have no treaties with Cuba, perhaps we can just have the average Cubans really occupy Florida and we just reclaim it as our Floating 48th state."
Joe Biden was tied up in his office and could not be reached for commnent.
John Boener finally turned from orange to red and could not speak and stalked away.
The White House did not respond to questions about Ms. Clintons musings.
Michelle wants to vist with the kids. TYeh right wign bloggosphere and all right wing bloggers are foaming at the mouth and talkin' about bays and pigs. "Foam will not put out the fire" says Fire Marshall Jessie "match" Liginlighter of the Internet Free Fire Forces of America.
Communists in Cuba are unsure what to do, stay home, go see Castro, or party.
Cuban officials have run to Castro's side to hold him from falling and there is a very long line of American cars from the fifties and sixties lined up on every Cuban beach for miles and miles. Their lights are all on and the radios are blasting music. Castro seems unhappy.
Florida officials are waiting for Haley Barbour to tell them what to do and old folks are starting to wash up on the beach.
Millions of Americans say "so what"
Jonny Picklers of Road Apple Drive in Maple Slurp VT says of Florida, "Well it was just sticking out like a a..a (can I say dick?)... Dick, Ya know".
Kelly Wanamakeit of Pear Flat Falls VA says "I was never impressed with Florida, didn't get me excitied at all."
Jimmi 'two nose' Schiliachi said of this travesty "we can get that back for ya, for a price."
Republicans are up in arms over the lose of so many voters, James 'spankey' Wonamakeher said "who we gonna scare now."
Haley Barbour is still not anywhere to be found.
The South has been abused, unmanned and "where they heck we goin' ta go for Disney now, Calafu48%#fornia!"