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Today, Pastor James T. Pennypacker has sent out a communique that states his God has just communicated to him that there will now be sperate but equal heavens for conservatives and liberals. Pastor Pennypacker said "God has seen the error of packing them all in one place and will now have a large stone wall installed to devide heaven down the middle. Liberals will now be placed in Left Heaven and conservatives in Right Heaven.
This is a great day for us" the Pastor said. " We look forward to a heaven that will seperate us from the gays, socialists experiementers and anybody else that has not lived a clean and just conservative life".
Pastor Pennypacker also went on to say that Right Heaven looks a lot like Florida and Arizona mixed together with many beutiful split level homes and the greenest grass he has ever seen. He also got a look at Left Heaven and said it looks like Chicago and Detroit.
"When I get there" the Pastor said, " I will also petition the lord to move Log Cabin Republicans and moderates in the GOP to the Left Heaven where they really belong. Our real undertaking is to have the purist heaven of all."
Pastor Pennypacker went on to say that with all the terrorism going on Muslim Heaven is running out of virgins. Dog Heaven is becoming to loud and smelly and the cats in Cat Heaven are scratching all the furniture. Angels in those two heavens are fighting for more pay, health benefits, more newspapers and praise.
Pastor Pennypacker also said that all who die now should be given a rolled up newspaper, some air freashener, and pet treats in their coffins to help fix the problems in Dog and Cat Heaven.
In a related story, Sarah Palin will get her own heaven and Newt Gingrich will be turned in to an amphibian fibber, have to live with all of his ex-wives and will have to spend eternity washing the carpets in Dog Heaven when he arrives in the Big Upstairs.
