Any sane person knows, with out a doubt, that LGBT people will only want to use public restrooms to flaunt their sexuality. look for strange sex partners, or they really just want to show off their new genitals.
And this makes me, and millions of other active and healthy shopping and pooping Americans very very uneasy, so uneasy in fact, that it is harder and harder to go poop in a public restroom at all these days.
But I have to say, that there are many more people out there that I would not want in the next stall, when I wanted to write a poem on the wall or the door, as I took a dump.
Here is my list of other possible people we should ban from public restrooms so the rest of us can all shit in peace and not have to think about ant sexual activity, mysterious drive by genital mutilations, or getting our ass shot off or photographed, so that an image of our butts, appears on any international tabloid newspapers, where we weekly do our shopping.
1. Celebrities, I don't know about you, but if I had to squat down next to Donald Trump, I would be hard pressed to "press one out". Donald, and many others of his class are so full of shit that we might all have to deal with a mountain of their shit overwhelming our new shoes. Now if this was to happen in a Walmart, we could just clean up the best we can, and then go out and buy news shoes quickly. But many times we are not in a public restroom where new clean, and cheap, shoes are readily available as such a wonderful place as Walmart, where you can poop, shop, eat and then poop again. So either we ban them, make them use a celebrity public restroom, or we make them all have a port-a-potty with them at all times.
2 Mexican drug cartel leaders and their criminal posse, we all know these people will pull out an automatic weapon and spray a gazzillion bullets a second at the drop of a hat, and the shit will hit the fan in more that one way, if they think we may be DEA or FBI agents coming to arrest their leader, as he is pinching a great and illegal grumpy. Not only would you be dead, but you would shit yourself before you hit the floor, leaving a real mess for the ambulance crew.
3. Open carry gun owners, we all know that, maybe, just a few of these types of gun owners, who like to open carry, might not be the brightest poopers in the bunch. The endless worry that we might get shot with our pants down, or a child finding a gun that slipped out of its holster while the gun owners was painting his personal porcelain painting with his fudge bits, that would really put a damper on our public restroom use.
4. Porn stars, STDS, need I say more?
Fashion models, we all know that fashion models are beautiful or handsome and always want to look their best, so we may start to stare at them when we see them going to poop, and they may all think we are just LGBT folks who are just there looking for sexual satisfaction. I would not want them or us to have to even think about all of that, as we both climb on the cold, and always antiseptically clean, public restroom thrones. who could even think about pooping, knowing that they might be molested at any moment, and thus be less beautiful walking out of the public restroom?
5. TV cameramen and papparazzi, in fact I would not want to be exposed by any type of media associates of any kind, whose only real job is to find and expose sordidness, where ever they can find it. Our "business" seems to always be their business.
6. The Homeless, these people would bathe in a commode, poop in the urinals, make moonshine in the sinks, and use the stall down at the end at their home if we let them.
7. Libertarians, how could you peacefully eliminate your bowels as the person in the next stall, ranted and raved about how it is so very, very Un-American it is, that businesses are forced. by the tyrannical government, to even provide public restrooms at all? Of course this one may not be necessary since most Libertarians carry their own bathroom supplies and miniature restroom facilities on their person at all times.
8. Southern Baptist Minister and Northern Catholic priests. No brainer there, holy shit, what a terrible thing to make us all do our doo doo next to!
9, People who own cell phones with a camera, we all know the underskirt photographers are always out there looking for new pantie shots. why give any of them a chance to photograph our genital covering and genitals, or even record how we fold, spindle or mutilate the toilet paper as we grunt.
10, People with a load of library books. What the fuck do they think this is, a public reading and shitting room! They should use the public restrooms at the public library, if they are smart enough to read all those books, then they should have figured out already where the best place to drop a load of used up groceries, while they read a book.
11. People dressed as clown or cowboys. That is just too weird for me.
12. Teenagers, these kids just piss me off with their attitude, they should just stay home playing video games and chatting on social media , while that are eating their huge bowl of milk soggy, colon cleansing cereal, in their own private bathrooms. our public restroom were not made for just them, the little ingrate shitheads!
I know that I have just scratched the surface of this great public manure pile, so add your list of people, who shit, who you would not want to be around as you opened your front sluice gate or back door compactor, while in a public restroom.
Fling away in the sty
let the shit fly
but if you want to say "my my my"
just cover your eyes,
I don't want to hear
any objectionable reply's,
all God's People gotta doo doo
even at the worst of times
Red and yellow, black and white
we all might need an emergency restroom flight.
so pull down your pants
and let's hear some
of your Flat chew lance.