It seems that many more Americans are now arm chair diagnosticians, and are more concerned than ever, about the health of the future President, so should the White House release a daily health report for greater transparency?
Something like this perhaps;
Daliy Health Report Concerning the President of the United States Press Release.
POTUS woke today at 5: 16 AM with bleary eyes and disheveled hair, yawned twice, stretched arms and legs vigorously, and and then passed a short burst of gas.
Bathing was Normal with no tub slippage.
Dressing was Normal. with some early morning confusion when putting on underwear, which was quickly fixed when the Secret Service Agent in Charge of the President's legs, pointed out the proper hole to use for that leg in the undergarment. A grumble was heard but the doctor's were not close enough to decide if the noise came from the stomach or mouth areas. A gastro specialist and a mental health care expert will monitor the President for the rest of the day.
After a breakfast of two free range eggs, minus yolk, whole wheat toast, with 3 grams of margarine, decaffeinated coffee, black, and one link of soy based sausage, the President proceeded into the rest room. After two minutes, no grunting heard. the President passed a long bit of wind (monitoring closely), and a small splash was heard. the President then came out and had the daily rectum checked.(Tomorrow the President will have the required oatmeal breakfast, with a splash of skimmed milk, and one organically grown strawberry.)
The stool was firm, 7.3 inches in length, a rich brown in color, and had no blood or corn showing, no odd odors were detected and the stool was then flushed.
Urinalysis tests are always done after lunch.
Hair samples were taken to test for illegal drugs, and all hair strands found in the brush were saved, after being counted for yearly over all hair loss report, for the National Archives.
One hang nail was removed with little blood. A little toe fungus was noted on large toe on left foot and was dabbed with a topical medication, (more in depth analysis on the dangers of toe fungus will be discussed on many TV news shows later today).
The President's hands were steady during the daily mobility tests, and the bi-weekly IQ test showed no changes.
Next week will be the monthly x-rays, colonoscopy and more in depth mental tests.
Stay tuned for hourly updates.